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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24951019">Find Our Way</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/leavinghope/pseuds/leavinghope'>leavinghope</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - No Powers, Artist Steve Rogers, First Love, Fluff, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Pre-Relationship</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 09:01:07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>7,269</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24951019</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/leavinghope/pseuds/leavinghope</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky Barnes had a best friend, a fulfilling career, and a good life all on his own. But maybe, just maybe, there was room in his life for a partner? And maybe that partner could be Steve Rogers.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>James "Bucky" Barnes &amp; Natasha Romanov, James "Bucky" Barnes &amp; Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers &amp; Sam Wilson</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>55</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>148</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">The envelope had only two words on it: Bucky Barnes.</p>
<p class="p1">Bucky leaned back in his comfortable desk chair and contemplated the envelope. It was not the organization’s letterhead, so it wouldn’t contain official correspondence. It was a simple white envelope, plain except for his name. He did not recognize the handwriting, its script delicate and elegant.</p>
<p class="p1">“Huh.”</p>
<p class="p1">“You could open it.”</p>
<p class="p1">That dry rejoinder came from Natasha Romanov, Bucky’s best friend and colleague at Stark Philanthropies. She was in her office, across from his, and they kept the doors open so they could talk with each other all day.</p>
<p class="p1">Natasha propped her chin on folded hands, while looking expectantly at him.</p>
<p class="p1">Bucky rolled his eyes at her. “It’s probably a thank you note somebody dropped off from that girls coding conference we ran last week.”</p>
<p class="p1">Bucky and Natasha were the project leaders at Stark Philanthropies. Tony Stark had founded the organization after divesting completely from his father’s legacy of weapons manufacturing. His wife, Pepper Potts, was the Chief Financial Officer and carefully curated their brand identity. They specialized in funding science innovations, such as workshops for children, underwriting university research, and developing specialized medical equipment, like the metal brace which enabled Bucky’s left arm to achieve close to its full functionality.</p>
<p class="p1">Bucky enjoyed working at Stark Philanthropies. He had a great group of colleagues, all competent and dedicated and smart, although Natasha was the only one he’d truly call a close friend.</p>
<p class="p1">A close friend with a raised eyebrow obviously waiting for him to open the damned envelope.</p>
<p class="p1">So he did. “It’s a birthday card.”</p>
<p class="p1">The aforementioned card had shown up in Bucky’s box in the mailroom at his workplace. So, the most likely candidate for sender would be a coworker.</p>
<p class="p1">“Well, it is your birthday.”</p>
<p class="p1">That was an undeniable fact, if not a well-known one, so Bucky asked, “Did you send it?”</p>
<p class="p1">“Why would I do that?” Natasha honestly sounded insulted.</p>
<p class="p1">“Who else would even know it’s my birthday?”</p>
<p class="p1">“Maybe somebody overheard us making plans last night?”</p>
<p class="p1">Their workplace was located in the Adams Morgan neighborhood of Washington DC. The small staff received housing stipends to live nearby, and Tony and Pepper encouraged their employees to enjoy the perks of the neighborhood by providing discounts at nearby bookstores, restaurants, coffee houses, and bars. The previous night, a long day of meetings led to a staff dinner at an Ethiopian restaurant, where Natasha spent several minutes coaxing Bucky to commit to go out to a birthday celebration with her.</p>
<p class="p1">Bucky looked more closely at the card. It was a single piece of paper, not folded. There was no brand label on the back. The front of the card featured a birthday cake, delicately drawn with ink and watercolors. The other side merely had the words <em>Happy Birthday. </em>“This is handmade.”</p>
<p class="p1">“Curiouser and curiouser.”</p>
<p class="p1">Bucky jolted as Natasha was suddenly next to his desk. She sat on its edge, ignoring his glare, her eyes alight with amusement at his confusion.</p>
<p class="p1">Because Bucky <em>was</em> confused. “Who would send me an anonymous birthday card?”</p>
<p class="p1">Natasha made grabby hand motions. “Give it here.”</p>
<p class="p1">Bucky had a sudden urge to clasp the card to his chest. He fought it, though. He was an adult, a grown man. He gave the card to her.</p>
<p class="p1">Natasha handled the card carefully, a small smile on her face. She always knew what was going through Bucky’s mind. She held the card up to the light, viewed it edge-on, scrutinized the writing. She nodded her head, satisfied with her inspection.</p>
<p class="p1">“It’s from Rogers.”</p>
<p class="p1">For a fleeting moment, only static filled Bucky’s mind. Steve Rogers. One of two SP graphic designers, the other being Sam Wilson. Tall, fit, attractive. His shyness rivaled Bucky’s, so they had seldom spoke to each other outside of a professional context, despite having worked with each other for several years. Each interaction had been pleasant, though. He and Steve collaborated well together, and casual conversation flowed easily between them. Bucky intuitively felt a connection with Steve. Thinking back to last night at the restaurant, Bucky and Natasha had been seated across from Steve, who had been between Wilson and James Rhodes, the SP grants manager.</p>
<p class="p1">As Bucky remained silent, Natasha explained her deduction. “The card stock is excellent. The penmanship is very nice. And the quality of the ink screams somebody who cares about their art. The graphic design power duo was present at dinner last night. Wilson specializes in fonts and layout, but Rogers creates the artwork. Ergo, Rogers.” She handed the card back to Bucky, her eyes sparkling.</p>
<p class="p1">Eventually, he squeaked, “What?”</p>
<p class="p1">“I think the logic is pretty clear.”</p>
<p class="p1">“But why?”</p>
<p class="p1">“Why what?”</p>
<p class="p1">“Why would Steve send me an anonymous birthday card?”</p>
<p class="p1">Bucky felt sorry for asking as soon as he saw the compassionateexpression on Natasha’s face.</p>
<p class="p1">“Bucky, why wouldn’t he want to do something for you?”</p>
<p class="p1">“Because I’m…” Bucky didn’t really know what to say, but Natasha did.</p>
<p class="p1">“Gorgeous? Extremely talented.” Natasha reached out and touched his hand. “Almost unbelievably kind.”</p>
<p class="p1">Bucky tried to believe her. He did. But the accident thatshattered his arm and killed his father when Bucky was fourteen years old had also altered the course of his teenage years and still impacted his adult life. Although he was now thirty years old, sometimes he still felt like the awkward outsider he turned into after the accident.</p>
<p class="p1">“Yeah?”</p>
<p class="p1">“Yeah.” Natasha squeezed his hand, pleased that Bucky was listening. “He sees you and your work every day. Your kindness is legendary around here. You bring baked goods for the whole office once a week, at least. You know the name of everyone in this building, even if they work the graveyard shift, and you make everyone feel welcome. You may never have had a heart-to-heart with Rogers, but in this workplace? What we do and how we do it? He probably has a good sense of who you are.”</p>
<p class="p1">“But Steve is so...”</p>
<p class="p1">Natashajumped in before he could finish. “Gorgeous, extremely talented, and almost unbelievably kind?”</p>
<p class="p1">Bucky felt the embarrassed flush take over his whole body. So maybe he’d spent more than a few daydreams in the past year thinking about Steve before dismissing the possibility each time. “You know I’m fine being single, right?”</p>
<p class="p1">“Yes. But you don’t have to be alone, not if you don’t want to be.”</p>
<p class="p1">“I know, but…”</p>
<p class="p1">A knock on the open door interrupted just then. It was Sam. “Hey, Natasha. I’ve brought some mockups of the handouts for the formerly incarcerated students workshops. Got time to take a look?”</p>
<p class="p1">“Sure.” Natasha patted Bucky’s right shoulder before she stood up to leave. “Think about what I said, hmm?”</p>
<p class="p1">As Natasha walked back to her office, Sam popped his head through Bucky’s door. “Happy birthday, Bucky.”</p>
<p class="p1">“Thanks.”</p>
<p class="p1">After sitting down at her desk, Natasha raised an eyebrow at Bucky as if to say, <em>See. Rogers would know your birthday, too.</em></p>
<p class="p1">Bucky picked up the card again and considered his options.</p>
<p class="p1">***</p>
<p class="p1">The following week, Bucky paused in the corridor outside the graphic design studio. <em>It was just a friendly gesture. It didn’t have to mean anything more.</em> Gathering his courage, Bucky tapped lightly on the door frame. “Steve?”</p>
<p class="p1">“Bucky! Come in.” Steve greeted Bucky with a bright smile. He pointed to the guest chair next to his desk. “Have a seat.”</p>
<p class="p1">That smile. It was worth the sleepless nights it had taken for Bucky to work up the nerve to get here. He found his voice again as he sat down. “Oh, uh, thanks.”</p>
<p class="p1">“Hey, Bucky!” Sam waved from where he was studying a layout on the rear wall. Bucky waved back, feeling incredibly goofy.</p>
<p class="p1">“So, what can I do for you?” Steve’s deep voice almost startled Bucky, hearing it up close and directly solely at him.</p>
<p class="p1">“Actually…” Bucky reached into his messenger bag and pulled out a plastic container. “These are for you.”</p>
<p class="p1">Steve took the container and opened it. “Cookies?</p>
<p class="p1">“As a thank you, for the logo you designed for the teens with disabilities robotics workshops.”</p>
<p class="p1">Sam approached Steve’s desk. “Do I get cookies, too”</p>
<p class="p1">Before Bucky could apologize for leaving Sam out, Steve said, “You didn’t help with that logo. That was all me, making these all mine.”</p>
<p class="p1">“Fine.” Sam let out an exaggerated sigh, to show he was teasing. “I’m going to the lounge to get my own snack.”</p>
<p class="p1">As Sam left, though, he gave Bucky an encouraging smile. Maybe Natasha had been right about Steve and the birthday card, after all.</p>
<p class="p1">“So, you liked the logo?” Steve sounded a bit anxious.</p>
<p class="p1">To be honest, although Bucky had looked for an excuse to talk to Steve and do something nice for him, he had truly been blown away by the logo. “It was amazing. I felt really drawn to it. It was both contemporary and classic somehow. Sleek, I guess?” Bucky rubbed the back of his neck. “Sorry I don’t know the proper art terms.”</p>
<p class="p1">“I’m so glad you feel that way. It was inspired by your…” Steve hesitated, then gestured towards Bucky’s left arm.</p>
<p class="p1">“My brace?”</p>
<p class="p1">“Yeah.”</p>
<p class="p1">Bucky’s shockmust have shown on his face, but before Steve could explain, a voice called from the hallway.</p>
<p class="p1">“Hey, Steve?” Rhodey walked through the door, apology written in his body language. “Sorry to barge in, but Tony doesn’t like the color palette…. again.”</p>
<p class="p1">Steve’s forehead hit his desk with an audible thump, and then he groaned. Bucky couldn’t help but sympathize. “One of those projects?”</p>
<p class="p1">Steve whimpered into his desktop, while Rhodey laughed. “It’s for one of Pepper’s favorite charities. Tony just wants it to be perfect.”</p>
<p class="p1">Bucky winced. Tony was a surprisingly hands-off boss and generous to a fault, but it would be hard to convince him anything was good enough for the woman he loves. “You have quite the task ahead of you, my friends. Good luck with that.”</p>
<p class="p1">Steve brought his head up at that. ‘Thank you, Bucky.”</p>
<p class="p1">Bucky wanted to bathe in the light of Steve’s smile forever, but he forced himself to stand up. “I’ll let you gentlemen get to work.”</p>
<p class="p1">“Good to see you, Barnes.” Rhodey patted Bucky’s shoulder as they switched places.</p>
<p class="p1">“You, too.”</p>
<p class="p1">“Bucky?”</p>
<p class="p1">He turned back to look at Steve, who said, “Thanks for the cookies.”</p>
<p class="p1">Bucky nodded his head in response, heat rushing to his face so fast he didn’t trust himself to speak.</p>
<p class="p1">As he walked back to his office, he considered his overture to be a success. Bucky felt happy, in a way he hadn’t been since laughing in a car with his family on a rainy day long ago.</p>
<p class="p1">***</p>
<p class="p1">Two days after Bucky brought those thank you cookies to Steve, another envelope appeared in his work mailbox. Once again just his name on it, identical envelope and identical handwriting as the one for his birthday.</p>
<p class="p1">“Another card from Rogers?”</p>
<p class="p1">One of these days, Natasha was going to make noise when she moved, but this was not that day. After his heart-rate returned to normal, Bucky said, “We don’t even know if the first one was from him.”</p>
<p class="p1">Bucky didn’t need to look up at Natasha to sense her impatience. He just continued to tap the edge of the envelope on his desk.</p>
<p class="p1">“Have you opened it?”</p>
<p class="p1">Of course not. Because once Bucky opened it, he might know for sure who these cards were from, and right now, he could still hope they were from Steve. Talented, kind, funny, shy, beautiful Steve. Steve was the kind of guy Bucky had always been afraid to dream of, and having allowed himself to do so was scary and exhilarating, and he wasn’t ready for the dream to be over.</p>
<p class="p1">It had been a long time since Bucky had allowed himself to dream.</p>
<p class="p1">But all dreams end, one way or another. He opened the card.</p>
<p class="p1">One side had the words <em>Thank You</em>. The other side showed a desk with a plate covered in crumbs, and a cookie, hanging like the Moon, visible through a window.</p>
<p class="p1">“Oh.”</p>
<p class="p1">The art and the writing matched his birthday card.</p>
<p class="p1">“I think that settles it, don’t you?” Natasha’s voice was as gentle as the arm she placed around his shoulders.</p>
<p class="p1">If only it were that simple.</p>
<p class="p1">When his friends had been going on their first dates, he was rehabbing in a hospital bed. When his friends had been buying their first cars, he’d been focusing on building back his arm strength and coordination, while also working any job he could find to contribute money to help out his mother and sister. And when he got to college, Bucky pursued his engineering degree with a laser-sharp focus: no dates, no parties, and only becoming friends with Natasha because they had both Russian and C++ classes together their freshman year.And then this job was so time-consuming and also so profoundly fulfilling that he just kept on the same path. A few friends, a quiet life, a legacy of important work… all that added up to a good life.</p>
<p class="p1">Bucky was thirty years old with no dating history, no relationships, and no sexual experience. But he’d been able to keep a roof over his family’s heads, and now his mother was remarried to a wonderful man, and his sister was working on her doctorate. He was content with that. He loved his life. He had to admit to himself, though, for the past several months he’d started to imagine that life had enough room to include another person. And maybe that person had been Steve in some of those imaginings. Most of them. All of them. Somehow, without even trying, Steve had managed to do what nobody else had ever done. Once Bucky allowed himself to dream, he found hewanted Steve in his apartment, in his bed, in his life. He’d given himself permission to want something for himself, just this once, and what he wanted was a chance with Steve. And now Bucky was sitting with a card, practically an invitation, from Steve in his hands, and he wanted so badly.</p>
<p class="p1">“But what do I do?”</p>
<p class="p1">“Talk to him. Get to know him.” Natasha prodded gently. “Maybe ask him out?”</p>
<p class="p1">“I don’t even know if he’s interested in men, much less me.”</p>
<p class="p1">“That’s why you should talk to him more. Maybe at the Circle tonight.” Natasha squeezed his shoulders before letting go to look him in the eyes. “You are coming with us, right?”</p>
<p class="p1">Honestly, Bucky had contemplated begging off tonight. Stark was throwing a happy hour celebration to announce the latest team accomplishment at a nearby coffee house/cocktail bar combination that was a favorite gathering place for the staff.But between dinner with his colleagues last week, hanging out with Natasha on his birthday, and working up the nerve to talk to Steve, he felt like he’d used up all his social capital for the week, if not longer.And Tony would understand. He was an annoying boss, but well-intentioned.</p>
<p class="p1">But would Steve understand? What if he thought Bucky was ignoring him or, worse, avoiding him by not showing up?</p>
<p class="p1">What if Bucky showed up, and Steve smiled at him again?</p>
<p class="p1">“Yeah, I’ll be there.”</p>
<p class="p1">“Good.” Then Natasha reassured him. “I’ll walk over with you.”</p>
<p class="p1">Bucky just nodded, and Natasha went back to her office.</p>
<p class="p1">He didn’t know how long he’d been lost in thought before the sound of Sam’s voice brought him back to the present.</p>
<p class="p1">“Hey, Nat, I’ve got finals for you to proof,”</p>
<p class="p1">“Come on in.”</p>
<p class="p1">But before Sam entered Natasha’s office, he noticed the card in Bucky’s hand. Bucky felt his face heat up, but he continued to hold onto the card.</p>
<p class="p1">“I managed to snag one of those cookies the other day. Just one, though. Steve said they were too good to share.”</p>
<p class="p1">“It was a new recipe. I’ll make more some time.”</p>
<p class="p1">“Looking forward to it.” Sam slapped his hand on the doorframe, nodding to himself as if he had made a decision. “Steve also likes hot chocolate with a dash of amaretto. You know, for the next time we’re all out at the Circle.”</p>
<p class="p1">
  <em>Tonight. He means tonight.</em>
</p>
<p class="p1">“Sounds like a good combination.”</p>
<p class="p1">“Yeah, I think you might like it, getting out of your comfort zone. A lot.”</p>
<p class="p1">“Maybe I should try it?”</p>
<p class="p1">“I really think you should. Soon.”</p>
<p class="p1">“Thanks, Sam.” Bucky could not hold back a grin.</p>
<p class="p1">He received one from Sam in return. “See ya later.”</p>
<p class="p1">The rest of the day flew by in a bit of a haze for Bucky. He got his work done, he always did, but everything took just a bit longer that afternoon. But the work couldn’t distract him from the butterflies in his stomach as he tried not to think about that evening.</p>
<p class="p1">For the first time in his life, Bucky wanted to flirt and be flirted with. He wanted to go on a date with Steve. He wanted to reach out and hold Steve’s hand. He wanted them to kiss at the end of their night. Bucky had not done much of that before. He had never really wanted to. After his accident, he had focused on his family. He’d had some friends, so he hadn’t been lonely. They’d never made him feel like at outsider; it had been Bucky who wanted to stay close to home. Nobody ever mocked his arm, and he could appreciate he was attractive by conventional standards. He’d turned down his fair share of dating opportunities. He didn’t know what made Steve so different, why Bucky was so tempted by him. Why he was finally ready to put his heart on the line.</p>
<p class="p1">Maybe he’d just been waiting for the right partner.</p>
<p class="p1">Those were the thoughts rattling around his head as he forced himself to get work done. Time flowed strangely that afternoon.But eventually, Natasha walked into his office and said, “Stop working, and put on your jacket. We’re heading out in five minutes.”</p>
<p class="p1">Bucky breathed deeply as he turned off his computer, tidied away his notebooks, and put on his dark blue pea coat. He grabbed his messenger bag just as Natasha reappeared. “Ready?”</p>
<p class="p1">He looked at his best friend and knew what she was really asking. “Yeah,” Bucky said. “It’s time.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">With Natasha’s powers of observation, she and Bucky arrived at The Circle before Steve and Sam showed up. They walked up to the bar together to place their orders.</p><p class="p1">“A siciliano for me, please.” Natasha preferred her caffeine to be refreshing and served in a martini glass. Needing something to calm his heightened sense of anticipation, Bucky was glad Sam’s suggestion was warm and comforting.</p><p class="p1">“Two hot chocolates with amaretto shots, please.”</p><p class="p1">“Whipped cream?”</p><p class="p1">Bucky recalled previous staff outings and knew the correct answer. “Yes.”</p><p class="p1">“Oh, you have been watching Rogers.”</p><p class="p1">Bucky countered Natasha’s teasing by listing all of her usual drink orders at their favorite haunts. “I’m naturally aware of my surroundings.”</p><p class="p1">“Mmm hmm.” Natasha wasn’t buying it.</p><p class="p1">When the drinks were ready, she said, “I’ve scoped out the perfect table.” She picked up their drinks and led them over to a high-top table for two, tucked into in a curtained alcove with a good view of the room. She placed the hot chocolates on the table, but held onto her drink. “Sit down.”</p><p class="p1">Bucky obeyed unquestioningly.</p><p class="p1">Natasha took a sip of her drink. “Just concentrate on having a good time this evening. It doesn’t need to be anything more than a friendly conversation.”</p><p class="p1">Bucky cherished the support and encouragement. “Do I tell you enough how much I love you?”</p><p class="p1">“Save that for Rogers.” But there was a slight dimple in her cheeks as she said it.</p><p class="p1">While they waited for Steve, Natasha distracted Bucky by making commentary on the alcohol choices in the happy hour specials.As the coffee bar began to fill with coworkers and other people from the neighborhood, he appreciated her effort. Making small talk was not a skill he possessed in great abundance, and he was going to have to conserve his socializing energy for Steve.</p><p class="p1">Steve, who had just walked in with Sam.</p><p class="p1">Bucky watched as Steve laughed at whatever Sam just said, and he felt a calm settle in his bones.</p><p class="p1">“You ready?” Surprisingly, there was a hint of nervousness in Natasha’s voice. She must really want this to work out for him.</p><p class="p1">“Yes, I am.” He reached out to squeeze her forearm. “Thank you.”</p><p class="p1">Natasha gave him a quick kiss to the cheek and wandered over to the bar. When Steve glanced his way, Bucky raised the drink in front of the empty seat and gestured for Steve to come over. With an approving smile, Sam clapped Steve on the shoulder, before joining Natasha at the bar.</p><p class="p1">Steve draped his black woolen coat over the back of the chair before sitting down. “Hey, Bucky.”</p><p class="p1">Bucky pushed the spiked cocoa towards Steve. “Hey, Steve. Heard this was one of your favorites.”</p><p class="p1">Wrapping his hands around the glass mug, Steve inhaled deeply. “Oh, thank you. This is perfect.”</p><p class="p1">Bucky relaxed and took a sip of his own. It was a good combination. The soothing warmth of the hot chocolate was enhanced by the subtle heat of the amaretto liqueur, making the drink a perfect foil to the chilly spring evening outside the coffee bar.</p><p class="p1">Now Bucky just needed to figure out how to make it the perfect evening inside. Time to give small talk a try. “Um, how did that project for Tony work out?”</p><p class="p1">Steve groaned. “We survived, and I’m glad it’s over. Pepper was overjoyed, so Tony was mollified. I ate the cookies that night as a reward for myself. They were fantastic. Thanks again for them.”</p><p class="p1">Glad the low lighting hid the heightened color in his cheeks, Bucky said, “Thanks for the cards.”</p><p class="p1">“You’re welcome.”</p><p class="p1">Buckybreathed a sigh of relief, knowing for certain now those cards were from Steve, but felt some lingering insecurity. “What made you think to send them to me?”</p><p class="p1">Steve paused, and then he pointed to his ear. Bucky noted a very subtle hearing aid, perhaps one of Tony’s designs.</p><p class="p1">“I’ve always had some hearing loss in this left ear. Before it was properly diagnosed, it affected my ability to communicate because I never caught people’s words quite right. I got into the habit of expressing myself by writing and drawing. It’s how I made friends.” Steve’s sounded hopeful. “Never broke the habit.”</p><p class="p1">Bucky’s confidence was boosted by Steve’s smile. “You said my brace inspired that logo?”</p><p class="p1">“To get inspiration, sometimes I watch video of previous events Stark has sponsored.”Steve turned the mug around, avoiding Bucky’s gaze. “There was one event, and you were giving the presentation. You noticed a deaf student in the audience, so you were signing as you spoke.Your brace caught the light just right, and it had such classic Art Deco lines. It was lovely.”</p><p class="p1">Learning the basics of ASL had been a one of the more useful forms of physical therapy to regain motion in his fingers. Bucky had been glad to have the skill at various outreach events over the years, but he’d never given thought to what his brace looked like while signing.</p><p class="p1">Bucky’s silence prompted Steve to add, “I hope that isn’t too creepy.”</p><p class="p1">“Just unexpected.” Bucky rushed to assure him. He lifted his left wrist off the table, trying to see the brace through Steve’s artistic eyes. “Most people avoid mentioning it or looking at it.”</p><p class="p1">Steve nodded in understanding, and Bucky realized Steve <em>did</em> understand. That’s part of what the cards had been trying to tell Bucky. “The kids in the audience really connected with you. You were good with them.”</p><p class="p1">“That’s because the kids think I have a robotic arm. The reality is not quite so exciting<b>, </b>I’m afraid.”</p><p class="p1">Steve laughed, and from there, the words flowed fairly smoothly, as they ventured into the uncharted waters of getting to know each other. Bucky confirmed their shared Brooklyn roots and disdain for the Yankees, although neither of them followed sports much after their teenage years. They talked about how they missed their hometown, but how they loved what they could get accomplished in DC. Steve said he was excited his first project for Stark Philanthropies was for a LGBTQ+ scholarship, and Bucky admitted a scholarship like that would have meant a lot to him as a teen. Steve said he was comfortable being single and he’d parted with his exes (Arnie and Peggy) on good terms.</p><p class="p1">This was a big moment. He owed it to Steve to be honest. Bucky owed it to <em>himself </em>to be honest.</p><p class="p1">“I’ve never been in a relationship.”</p><p class="p1">Disbelief flickered in Steve’s eye, but it was swiftly replaced with something like affection and maybe more than a bit of understanding. “Seems to me like people have been missing out on a good man.”</p><p class="p1">At that instant, Rhodey and Bruce Banner, the Director of Innovations at Stark Philanthropies, stopped by the table, preventing Bucky from flailing for an appropriate response.</p><p class="p1">“Hey, guys. I swear, Tony will be here any minute.” Rhodey spoke with the tone of a man who had long made excuses for his friend.</p><p class="p1">“Yeah, Tony got caught up in some new tech.” Bruce explained. “But he’ll be here soon, so we can finally start the celebration.”</p><p class="p1">“Who says we waited to start?” Sam joined them.</p><p class="p1">Rhodey chuckled. “That’s my kind of attitude.” After greeting the approaching Natasha, he and Bruce headed over to the bar.</p><p class="p1">Steve, Natasha, and Sam chatted while Bucky tried to get control of his feelings. The night had been going well so far, and he was pretty sure Steve was flirting with him. People had been interested in Bucky before, so he could recognize the signs. But he had never been interested in return. Certainly not the way he was with Steve.</p><p class="p1">“Shall we let these gentlemen get back to their conversation?” Natasha’s voice penetrated Bucky’s thoughts.</p><p class="p1">“I guess we should.” Sam agreed, but before he could turn to leave, Bucky stopped him.</p><p class="p1">“Hey, Sam?”</p><p class="p1">“Yeah?”</p><p class="p1">“What are your favorite cookies?”</p><p class="p1">“Oatmeal chocolate chip.”</p><p class="p1">“I can work with that.”</p><p class="p1">Natasha nudged Sam. “If he’s going to start baking just for you, I think you at least owe me a drink.”</p><p class="p1">“Yes, ma’am.”</p><p class="p1">Bucky watched as Natasha threaded her arm through Sam’s. As the two walked away, Bucky wondered how close Natasha and Sam had gotten while working on this latest project. From the thoughtful expression on Steve’s face, Bucky guessed he was thinking the same thing.</p><p class="p1">“You baking cookies for Sam now?” Steve cocked his head and stared at Bucky through long eyelashes.</p><p class="p1">Bucky held up his mug. “He gave me some good advice.”</p><p class="p1">Steve blushed, and Bucky was saved from following up when Tony and Pepper entered the bar.</p><p class="p1">“Guess it’s time for Tony’s customary speech.” Steve took a long drink. “We’re gonna need a lot more alcohol tonight.”</p><p class="p1">Steve’s Brooklyn accent had become a touchstronger, which made Bucky laugh. Tony was notorious for rambling, while praising his staff. He was a good man to work for, but for Bucky and apparently Steve, his personality was a lot to handle sometimes. Bucky allowed the sound of his old neighborhood to bleed back into his own voice. “I’m gonna hold you to that.”</p><p class="p1">“And I will drink to that.” Steve held out his mug, and Bucky tapped his own to it.</p><p class="p1">Tony walked into the center of the room and waved his arms above his head to get attention.</p><p class="p1">“My apologies to everyone here who is not an employee of Stark Philanthropies. I promise I won’t interrupt your evening for too long. But I hope you will join with me to celebrate our latest achievement.” Tony cast his arms wide and shouted. “Drinks for everyone, on me!”</p><p class="p1">Everybody in the Circle applauded and cheered.</p><p class="p1">Tony lifted his glass, and the crowd quieted down to hear what he had to say. “The McKenzie Foundation has awarded a twenty million dollar grant for Stark Philanthropies to dispens<b>e</b> to researchers studying heart defects in children.”</p><p class="p1">Bucky felt a thrill rush through him as he and the assembled SP staff and neighbors applauded. He snuck a quick look at Steve, whose mouth dropped open in shock as he clapped along with the rest.</p><p class="p1">Tony waited for the noise to die down before he said, “This is the single largest award we’ve received yet. I’d like to thank all of you for your work on the grant proposal, but I forced you to delay your dinner and weekend plans to spend time with me so I could embarrass a few of you in front of your colleagues and a bunch of strangers.”</p><p class="p1">“To my long-suffering best friend and grants manager extraordinaire, James Rhodes. The success of this proposal would not have been possible without you. Love you, dude.” He hoisted his glass towards Rhodey, who waved at the room, while shaking his head at Tony. It made Bucky happy to see, not just acknowledgmen<b>t</b> of a job well done, but also the strong friendship between the two men.</p><p class="p1">Then Tony surprised Bucky by mentioning his name. “His quickly brainstormed design for a heart valve was so impressive we included it in our proposal, and it has already attracted interest from potential researchers. To James, but you can call him Bucky, Barnes!”</p><p class="p1">Bucky wanted to hide, but there was nowhere to go. He felt himself blushing as he forced himself to raise his mug. Natasha was clapping the loudest of everyone, and Steve was beaming at him.</p><p class="p1">Tony elevated his voice again. “And to the superhero of graphic design, Steven Grant Rogers, for putting our proposal together in such a cohesive, easily visualized fashion that it was too impressive to turn down.”</p><p class="p1">Bucky admired the shy flush in Steve’s cheeks as he applauded with the rest.</p><p class="p1">Tony gestured for the crowd to lower their noise. “I would be remiss if I didn’t mention the extra hours Rogers put in, tweaking the graphs, charts, and color schemes for clarity and accessibility, up till the last minute for this grant so close to his healthy, strong heart.The resulting research will ensure other kids have the same, if not even better, chances for survival after heart surgery as he had as a teen.”</p><p class="p1">Tony elevated his glass again. “To Steve!”</p><p class="p1">The audience repeated, “To Steve!”</p><p class="p1">Both Bucky and Steve shied away from the laughter and applause and turned back to each other with embarrassed little shrugs and a lot of curiosity.</p><p class="p1">“Now, drink up! It’s on me, Stark Philanthropies employee or not. Just don’t forget to tip your bartender. Server. Barista. Whatever they call themselves here. Go go go!”</p><p class="p1">Tony made shooing motions with his arms, and people flowed towards the bar. Bucky said, “I don’t think we’ll be getting that other drink any time soon.”</p><p class="p1">“Gives us more time to talk.” From the tint on Steve’s cheeks, he was flirting.</p><p class="p1">Bucky felt emboldened enough to flirt back. “No complaints from me.”</p><p class="p1">Steve smiled in response. “I didn’t know Tony came to his project managers for medical equipment designs?”</p><p class="p1">“I have a degree in mechanical engineering. That’s how I met Tony.” Bucky glanced down at his left arm reflexively. “I’d done some work on improving prostheses out of self-interest, I guess. But I caught his eye while wearing a brace of my own design at an alumni fundraiser. Now I’m here.”</p><p class="p1">“And Tony Stark comes to you for design suggestions?”</p><p class="p1">Bucky shook his head. “Not very often.”</p><p class="p1">“That’s impressive.” Steve’s eyes glowed with something like awe.</p><p class="p1">Usually people thought Bucky was a fool to have given up a lucrative engineering career to work at a non-profit. Steve’s open admiration was refreshing. Bucky repressed a grin and changed the subject. “So, heart surgery?”</p><p class="p1">“Yeah. I had a heart defect, which was affecting my growth. You’d never guess from seeing me now, but I was a scrawny little thing till I was sixteen and was lucky enough to have a surgeon donate his time and talent to fixing me.”</p><p class="p1">“Wow. That doesn’t happen very often.” Bucky had heard Pepper and Rhodey bemoan the practical obstacles like malpractice insurance, hospital affiliation, and operating theater availability for healthcare donations.</p><p class="p1">“My mom was a nurse. She had worked with this doctor for a long time.” Steve stared into his mug. “She’d just received her diagnosis. He knew it was terminal. He didn’t want her to have to worry about what would happen to me after she was gone.” Steve took a drink, his mug shaking slightly.</p><p class="p1">Bucky felt such compassion for the younger Steve he hadn’t known, but he didn’t want it to come across like pity. Instead, he said, “Sounds like she was one helluva nurse.”</p><p class="p1">As Bucky had hoped, Steve smiled. “She was.” His face glowed with pride.</p><p class="p1">And as far as Bucky was concerned, that pride was well warranted. “A great nurse can make all the difference.”</p><p class="p1">Steve’s curiosity was obvious, and he leaned towards Bucky. He did his best not to get overwhelmed from the nearness, but Bucky could swear he felt the heat emanating from Steve’s body.</p><p class="p1">But before Steve could say anything, Tony stopped by their table. “Do we have rules against fraternization at Stark Philanthropies?”</p><p class="p1">Pepper grabbed him by the elbow and said, “It would be very hypocritical if we did.” As she led Tony away, she mouthed <em>sorry</em>.</p><p class="p1">Steve didn’t seem to know what to say after Tony’s awkward interruption, so Bucky decided to answer the question people were usually hesitant to ask. “It was an accident. I was fourteen. I was in the backseat of our car with my sister. My mom and dad were up front. Dad was driving. I was behind him.” Bucky sighed, a lance of heartbreak piercing him as it always did when talking about the audience. “Dad didn’t make it.”</p><p class="p1">“I’m so sorry.”</p><p class="p1">Bucky brushed away the sympathy. He had learned to live with this sorrow years ago. “It was just one of those things. It wasn’t even the other guy’s fault. It had been raining, and his brakes gave out, malfunctioned at the wrong place, at the wrong time. The car flew through the intersection at full speed, even though he tried to stop it. Hit our car on the driver’s side. And I couldn’t even be angry about it, because I was alive while my dad was dead, and I was so grateful my mom and sister were fine, you know?”</p><p class="p1">Steve focused on Bucky, quietly inviting him to continue.</p><p class="p1">“Anyway, I was in the hospital for several months. The first surgeon wanted to amputate the arm. I saw the look on my mom’s face.” Bucky could see it even now, the face of a woman who didn’t know how much more loss she could bear. “I don’t know where I got the courage, but I asked for a second opinion, right there in the ER. I ended up with an excellent surgeon who offered to do a risky procedure. Implanted a vein from my leg to repair the circulation, managed to salvage some of the nerves. He worked with an amazingly kindnurse who put up with me while supervising my rehabilitation.” Bucky raised his spiked cocoa as if to toast. “It could have been a lot worse.”</p><p class="p1">A strange expression came over Steve’s face.</p><p class="p1">“Are you okay?”</p><p class="p1">Instead of answering, Steve asked, “Which hospital were you at?”</p><p class="p1">“Presbyterian.”</p><p class="p1">“What was your surgeon’s name?”</p><p class="p1">“Abraham Erskine.”</p><p class="p1">Steve took a deep breath. “Do you remember the name of your nurse?”</p><p class="p1">“Her name was Sarah.”</p><p class="p1">“Sarah Rogers.” Steve’s eyes shone with tears. “Her name was Sarah Rogers. She was my mom.”</p><p class="p1">Bucky remembered her comforting voice, her tough love during his moods, her gentleness with his pain. He didn’t know what he would have done without Sarah. “I… I can’t believe it.” Bucky looked at Steve more closely, and it hit him. “You have her eyes.”</p><p class="p1">In a daze, Steve said. “It’s just… I’m an only child, and so was Ma. I never knew my dad, and she died the summer after my senior year of high school. I was on my own. I’d already decided to go to Georgetown, which is where I met Sam.” Steve composed himself for a moment. “I don’t have any other family, and nobody here knew her. I haven’t talked to somebody who knew my mom in over a decade.”</p><p class="p1">Steve slumped back in his seat. “Oh my god, Bucky, you knew my mom.”</p><p class="p1">A few tears streaked down Steve’s face, and Bucky battled with a few of his own. He never would have imagined that he and Steve shared such a strong connection dating back to their childhoods in Brooklyn.</p><p class="p1">“Is this a hostile work environment?” Tony appeared alarmed by Steve’s tears as he passed by their table once again. Before Bucky could reply, Pepper sighed and firmly dragged Tony away. “You’re making it one.”</p><p class="p1">After they left, Bucky and Steve giggled, Tony’s ridiculousness alleviating the heavy emotions from the turn in conversation.</p><p class="p1">Steve wiped away his tears. “Sorry about this.”</p><p class="p1">“Don’t be. She was an amazing person. Of course, you miss her.” A memory flooded into Bucky’s mind. “She told me about you. She said her son had been sick a lot in his life, but never let it stop him from achieving his goals. And if he could do it, I could do it, too.”Some of Sarah’s obvious love for her son bled into Bucky’s tone. “She was so proud of you.”</p><p class="p1">Steve blushed yet again, seeming gratified and touched at the same time.</p><p class="p1">“She told me about you, too.” Steve looked at Bucky, and Bucky felt like Steve saw someone in him that others could not. “She said she had a patient named James who’d been dealt a raw deal, but he was unfailingly kind and so strong for his mother and sister.” He snorted, completely undignified. “She said she wished we could be friends because she thought your patience would be a good influence on me.”</p><p class="p1">Another memory came back to Bucky. “Oh, so that’s why she told me she wanted me to meet her son someday.”</p><p class="p1">“She did?”</p><p class="p1">“Yeah. She was going to bring you by my room on some sort of ‘Take your child to work’ day, but it just never happened.”</p><p class="p1">“I remember that.” Steve frowned. “I got sick.”</p><p class="p1">“And I went home a few days later.”</p><p class="p1">Bucky and Steve sat in silence, finishing off their drinks and thinking over the revelations of the evening. They’d been so close to knowing each other during the worst parts of each other’s lives. They’d both lost a parent at a young age. They’d each spent more time in hospitals and with doctors than their peers. Bucky would have never guessed they’d had so much in common.</p><p class="p1">Although Bucky had moved away from Brooklyn, he remained very close to his mother and sister. The death of George Barnes had knitted the rest of his family tightly together. Bucky couldn’t imagine not having his mother and sister in his life.He couldn’t imagine feeling as alone as Steve must, at leastsometimes.</p><p class="p1">Bucky realized his memories of Sarah could be a gift to Steve. And not just his memories. “Sarah spent a lot of time talking to my mother, Winifred. My sister, Becca, too. I bet they would love to talk to you about her.”</p><p class="p1">Steve covered up his gratitudeby teasing, “Inviting me to meet the family already?”</p><p class="p1">The playful gleam in Steve’s eyes dared Bucky enough to respond, “Well, I already got your mom’s stamp of approval.”</p><p class="p1">“More than you know.” Steve hesitated, before ducking his head and startling Bucky by what he said next. “You’re the reason I went through with the heart surgery.”</p><p class="p1">“What?”</p><p class="p1">“I was scared. There was no guarantee it would work, and it was going to put me out of commission for weeks when my ma needed me. But she reminded me about you, of how you were willing to take a chance on an experimental procedure that saved your arm, of how much it meant to your mom that you fought so hard, how fearless you were and how strong you were for your family.” Steve’s voice trembled. “You helped repair my broken heart, Bucky Barnes.”</p><p class="p1">Bucky wasn’t sure his own heart was going to survive the night.“Steve…”</p><p class="p1">“I’m sorry. I know I can be intense.”</p><p class="p1">“No, it’s not that.” Bucky struggled to find the words. “It’s weird to think we were so close, but somehow we just kept missing each other.”</p><p class="p1">“I’m glad I haven’t missed you now.” Steve placed his hand on the table, palm up.</p><p class="p1">Bucky took a deep breath and placed his left hand in Steve’s. He could feel the warmth of Steve’s skin and the strength of his grip. And he could feel these sensations because many years ago he had the courage to take a risk.</p><p class="p1">Bucky decided it was time to take another risk.</p><p class="p1">“Dinner?”</p><p class="p1">Steve’s face brightened. Bucky caught his breath.</p><p class="p1">“Yeah, Buck. Dinner sounds great.”</p><p class="p1">Bucky hadn’t thought ahead to where to go to dinner, but before he could panic about it, Steve said, “How about that place on P, the one that sells slices?”</p><p class="p1">Those slices always tasted like home to Bucky. “Perfect.”</p><p class="p1">“I, uh…” Even in the dim illumination of the bar, Steve’s embarrassment was visible. “I miss New York pizza, but sometimes it reminds me too much of my mom to eat it.”</p><p class="p1">“But not tonight?”</p><p class="p1">“Tonight, I think she’d want us to share a bit of Brooklyn with each other.”</p><p class="p1">Bucky didn’t believe in fate. Too much awfulness had happened to him and his family to trust it was all part of some sort of grand plan, and he didn’t believe people should have to suffer in life to earn a reward later. But there was something about Steve and the way their paths had run parallel only to finally converge at this time and place. Something good. Something right. Something that made Bucky feel like he knew exactly what he should say next.</p><p class="p1">“Shall we get out of here?”</p><p class="p1">“Yes!” Steve replied, enthusiastically. Giddiness bubbled up inside Bucky, because Steve was as eager as he was.</p><p class="p1">As they both stood and put on their jackets, Bucky allowed himself a moment to take in the scene around him. He saw Natasha and Sam, each with delight in their eyes as they watched Bucky prepare to leave with Steve. He was surrounded by talented, hard-working, passionate colleagues. He’d just helped win a grant which would make a difference in the lives of countless children and their families. He had a great career and a full life overall.</p><p class="p1">But Steve made Bucky imagine his life could hold even more.</p><p class="p1">Maybe this thing with Steve would result in great conversation over slices and close friendship. Maybe it would lead to another date and then another and another. Maybe trying and failing with Steve would give Bucky the faith to take the leap again with someone new. Maybe he would come to the conclusion he preferred being on his own. Or maybe he and Steve would be together until the end of the line.</p><p class="p1">Their whole future was ahead of them, just waiting. And all because Steve had made the courageous decision to send an anonymous birthday card and reach out to Bucky.</p><p class="p1">As they left the bar side-by-side and emerged into the brisk spring twilight, this time Bucky held out his hand and reached for Steve.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks for reading my first ever attempt at an AU. It's a stretch for me, because my brain latches onto canon. Story inspired by my husband, who sent me an anonymous card to work up the courage to ask me out many years ago, and by my best friend, who looked at the card and knew who sent it from the ink and penmanship. </p><p>Hope you are all healthy and safe.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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